If I had known then, what I know now…

2005—the year my husband and I entertained the fantasy that our perfectly well-behaved, timid, beagle-shepherd was lonely and that our lives would be better and richer for having a second dog.

What fools we were.

Six years, thousands of dollars, and countless pairs of shoes later, we are the not-so-proud guardians of a beagle-hound mix who will not only eat anything, but do so with glee. Of a middle-aged dog who still needs to be crated when we’re not around, lest we come home to a rug-less house. Of a dog who everyone in our vet’s office knows on a first-name basis, though they can barely remember the name of our other dog. Of a dog who refuses to acknowledge in any way the superiority of her masters—except when treats are involved, and then it’s all for show anyway.

If I had known then, what I know now…would we have taken her in? Probably. There are bigger suckers out there when it comes to pets, but not many.

This is the tale of Maggie the Hound Dog—and her pushover family. I hope it will amuse and divert, maybe even inspire—and not just to swear you off pets for life. For those who choose to read further. I thank you and offer fair warning. There will be vomit stories…